Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years? Do you smoke? No. Do you eat too much? No. Do you go to bed late? No. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? No. Then why would you want to live more than 100...
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.
Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
Mom, do you know that most of my friends got the new Iphone already? Son, do you know that there is a foster home down by the crossroads?
Women call me ugly occasionally. But that’s only until they hear how much I make. Then they call me poor and ugly.
Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?” Me: “Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening.