Take Away?

The guy who gives out food at the prison canteen asks: “Eat here or take away?” The prisoner frowns: “Not funny, Marlon! Not funny at all!!”

Wikipedia Things

Google: “Warning! You may find more than what you’re looking for.” Apple computers: “Warning! High Smug Advisory.” Wikipedia: “Warning label does not exist. Would you like to create warning label?”…

Garden Of Eden

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion. God said, “This person will cook for you and wash...

Safer Than Alcohol

We’ve been trying to solve this drunk driving problem for years, and there’s an obvious solution: legalize marijuana. I just think it’s safer than alcohol. I’d rather be stoned driving a car than drunk ’cause when you’re stoned, you...

Out Of Business

We can’t all be heroes… like, if there was a fire, and I had three kids in there, I don’t know which one I would save. You can’t save them all; somebody’s feelings are definitely going to be hurt. And what if you save the kid that started...

Do You Know The Way?

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’